Heaven

I think I’m in heaven. I’m sure this is what heaven is going to be. Sunny days with no job to go to. I wake up in the morning and ask Shaun to look out the window and tell me what the weather is like. If it’s grey, I lie in for an extra half an hour. Yup, this is definitely heaven.

Short lived heaven though. One month and then all hell breaks loose…

It’s a strange feeling, this maternity leave thing. I am torn between loving every second and guilt. When Shaun gets up in the morning and puts on his suit, I feel lazy. The fact that I no longer have suits (or any clothes other than Homer Simpson muu-muus) that actually fit is beside the point. I have never just done nothing in my life. Even when I’m home sick I clean the kitchen.

Last night I slept badly. While I was lying awake, instead of getting distressed I thought ‘What the hell? It’s not like I actually have to do anything tomorrow. I’ll just put off my shopping until Wednesday…’. I saw my specialist yesterday and he suggested that I do all my nesting asap because he gives me two weeks before I’m couch bound. Make that outdoor hammock bound. When he said it I must have looked shocked. He clearly has no idea how much nesting I was planning on doing. I have 15 years worth of tasks lined up. I have to check that none of the cans in our emergency survival kit have rusted, and clean the skirting boards with a toothbrush, and reshape the bushes in the front garden back into balls, and order all my baby clothes into sizes. These things can’t just be ignored!

My sister has been on maternity leave for a few weeks now and has pointed out to me that it can become quite lonely. We have set up a morning Skype date to give our days some structure. No doubt it will be valuable in the future, but for now it is one of the million tasks that I have lined up each day. I’m still in doing-coffee-with-the-girls mode.

Yup, I’m pretty sure this is heaven. I should have gotten someone to knock me up years ago.