When it’s all you know…

It’s amazing how long a person will put up with a less than ideal situation if it’s all that they know. I was watching one of those ads for World Vision on TV last night and I was wondering what keeps someone living when there is nothing to live for. But I guess if it’s all you know then what’s the alternative? Sometimes that’s how I feel.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that I have an issue with flies around the head or that I am deserving of World Vision money, although there are times when it would come in handy. I am also completely aware of how inappropriate it is to even make this kind of comparison, but sometimes it’s ok to cross the PC line for the sake of a laugh.

Where I’m going with this actually doesn’t have much to do with quality of life. It’s more about being satisfied with what you have until you see something else. I spent a couple of days over at the office last week and after a few drinks on Friday night I was talking with a guy from work about how great an employer we have. It put into perspective just how much I put up with at my old job – for more than 10 years. I worked with a great team and my immediate managers were fantastic, but the company in general treated people badly.

Still, I didn’t post just to bitch about that. To be honest, I’m not sure what I am posting about. I feel restless. I love the fact that I have a flexible job. I love that I work from home and can fit my hours around my kids and the other things that I choose to do in my day. But being in the office last week made me realise just how much I miss the energy of having people around me.

I think if I’m completely honest with myself, the fact that the office is in another country – far, far away from the responsibilities of home, is also part of the appeal. When I’m there, I’m no one’s mother – I’m just Hawk. I can go out after work and get trashed. I can get up and go to the gym even if it’s not my gym day. I can behave badly if I want to. And I usually want to. But I haven’t had the freedom to be that person for a while now.

I know that on paper I have an almost perfect life and to complain about it might seem ungrateful, but that’s human nature and I won’t apologise for it. I won’t apologise for slamming the door when I’ve had it with the grizzling. Or for telling the cats to fuck off because it’s better than telling the kids. Or for telling my daughter to eat her veges when I’ve had nothing but coffee and biscuits all day. I won’t apologise for being restless.

I guess once every month or so I’ll blow out just so that the pressure doesn’t get too extreme.

It’s about balance, right?

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