It all started with the rotting bird. Well to be honest, it was a bit past rotting when I found it. I have no idea how a carcass can rot just inches from a persons head whilst they sleep, yet they remain blissfully unaware. But it did. And I was. For a while.

At the moment I have a cleaner coming in for an hour a week. She is supposed to clean the bathrooms, do the vacuuming and mop the floors. I say ‘supposed to’ because whether or not they actually come out clean is debatable. But mum is paying for her as a favour, so I’m not in much of a position to complain. She makes a token effort, so on the surface things look clean. I sure as hell don’t have time to do it.

So I guess that’s how the carcass went unnoticed for so long. One of the cats must have dragged it in and toyed with it for a while before it died, smack bang in the middle of the floor under our bed. On the day it was discovered, the cleaner had the week off so I was doing the vacuuming. I got down to vacuum under the bed properly (it took a bit of strength to push the vacuum cleaner through the inches of dust) and noticed a white writhing mess. God knows what possessed me to do it, but I reached out to see what it was. And touched the maggots.

In a fit of disgust and panic, I sucked up the whole lot, along with the birds head, which vacuumed straight off the body. It was lucky that I remembered to ask Shaun to empty the vacuum a couple of days later. He wasn’t impressed.

He also wasn’t impressed about the flies. I guess I missed a few maggots. And by a few, I mean 50 or so. Thankfully it only took a few days for me to forget the whole debacle, so it took me a while to make the connection between the incident and the large swarm of blowflies that was hanging out on our curtains a week or so later.

They were strange blowflies. You could approach them with a tissue and pluck them straight off the wall. They didn’t even attempt to fly away. That is what triggered the realisation that they were newly hatched babies. And they just kept hatching and hatching.

And hatching.

After a day or so Shaun mentioned them. I pretended I hadn’t noticed them. I couldn’t keep up the charade for long though, because they were hatching overnight and by the time we awoke in the morning they were almost blocking out the light. It was a complete nightmare. I considered moving the bed to see how many were left, but I couldn’t find it in me. I was too emotionally scarred by the whole experience.

Finally they seemed to slow down and we were able to pick them off the walls faster than they could hatch. (I didn’t want to spray because of the babies). So now the house is back to it’s original rotting-bird-and-hatching-fly free state.

And the cleaner is back from holiday so I guess I can go back to being blissfully unaware again.


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