Life moves to the beat of a different drum for me these days. The beat is one hell of a lot faster than it was. There is no jazz-in-the-sun kinda beat for me any more. It’s more of a thrash metal kinda beat. In the life of a mother of new babies, time is measured in the hours between day-sleeps. From that first waking moment of beaming smiles to the last grizzle of the day, I am watching my babies grow into children.
Every day something new happens. Whether it’s more hair or a new noise, what would probably be the most trivial of things to an outsider now has the ability to make me look at life with a feeling of wonderment that I haven’t felt since I was a child myself.
But I’ve had to say goodbye to things and that’s sad. My friendships have changed. While I haven’t lost any, the nature of my relationships with them has turned a corner. I see my best friends (the ones without kids) every couple of months now, rather than every couple of days. While that’s life, it’s sad.
I’ve had to quit things that used to make up such a huge part of my day. This week I am leaving the staff of Sitepoint – a web community that I’ve been part of for many years now. I have realised lately that I just don’t have the time to commit to it that is required, and that’s not fair on the team that I was leading. Time to move over and let someone else take the reigns. That’s life too, but it’s sad.
I haven’t stepped into the ring for a year now. I haven’t wrapped my knuckles or pulled on my gloves. I haven’t felt the rush that comes with kicking the crap out of someone and I miss it terribly. Again – life. But it’s sad.
I haven’t worn killer heels, or power dressed, or pumped weights, or read the weekend paper. I haven’t worn a sleeveless top (which would call for a strapless bra, and they don’t do those in maternity styles!), or read more than one chapter of a book at a time, or seen a movie.
But as much as I miss those things, they don’t compare to the thrill of opening that nursery door every morning and seeing two beaming smiles looking up at me.
So life is different now. Sometime’s it’s sad, but mostly it’s magic.