All the things I’ve left behind

Occasionally, very occasionally I think about the things that are no longer going to be a part of my world once these babies come. You get so caught up in the whole pregnancy thing that it’s easy to forget that at the end of it, you’re right at the beginning of a whole new world. It’s not really an end at all.

I was reading something in the weekend that was written by a woman who got a bit of a shock when she had her first child at 17. She thought she was getting a baby. She didn’t think about the fact that not long after that, she was getting a child.

I keep forgetting about the fact that I’m getting dependants. Someone will decide on a date for their wedding and I’ll think “Sweet, I will have had the babies by then so I’ll be able to have a big night”. Then I’ll remember that I can’t just put the babies in the cattery and have a weekend bender. And that’s not even taking into account breastfeeding. Life has changed permanantly.

I’m not complaining. I’m ready for that change – the babies are the most important thing hands down. It’s just a case of getting my head around things. I was talking with my best friend about it in the weekend. He is in a relationship with a woman who has said she doesn’t want children. He has decided that he loves her so he will make that sacrifice. He was saying (surprisingly) that for all those sacrifices I’ll have the reward of never being lonely. In 20 years time I’ll have grown children around me. He’ll be the ‘family friend’ that someone has to pick up and bring over at christmas time because he has no family of his own.

And he’s right. One of my biggest motivators for having children is because I look forward to seeing the adults that they will become. I want friendships with them like the one I have with my mother. I feel them kicking inside of me and I feel closer to my mother than ever when I consider the fact that 34 years ago she was sitting there ‘feeling the baby kicking’ and it was me.

So here’s to the future. And not to all the things that I’ll be leaving behind, but to all the new ones that I’ll be finding.


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