Out of touch.

People keep asking me if I miss alcohol. I don’t really. It’s definitely got something to do with the fact that it’s winter so most people are hibernating anyway. It’s also got something to do with the fact that I’m just avoiding parties and events where I know everyone will be drinking. I tend to get pretty surly when everyone else around me is boozed, and let’s face it – no one likes hanging out with a sulker.

Truth be told, the only thing I’m really missing is kickboxing.

But one thing that I’m becoming aware of is that I’m losing touch. Not going out means that I’m not in the loop. It seems now that when I do go out, I hear all sorts of things that I feel like I should have known. I wonder why people haven’t told me. It’s sort of like in the movies when you see kids that aren’t part of the cool crowd hear about a party that they haven’t been invited to. I know I’m blowing things out of proportion, but it just feels weird.

My best friends were trying to decide whether to talk to me about something. They decided that they would but that they wouldn’t use names. At first I understood that logic, until I found out that I wasn’t the only one that knew. We used to catch up every week for a few drinks. There were no secrets.

It’s hard to know how much of this stuff is the hormones affecting my emotions and how much really is change. I know that it’s crazy to think that life won’t turn upside down when I have kids and that is a choice that I have made, but I guess it’s going to take some getting used to.

So this is part of my process.


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