Customer disservice

They call it customer service but that’s a joke! I have had three less than ideal dealings with companies over the last couple of days. The first was yesterday. I am finally replacing my printer. The new one was supposed to be delivered yesterday morning. Shaun drove home to meet the delivery guy. Things were going smoothly until the guy pulled up in his truck and announced that he needed help to lift it inside but hadn’t brought anyone, and needed ramps and floor throws but hadn’t brought those either. I’m surprised he remembered the bloody printer! So he said he’d come back tomorrow.

Useless.

The second was last night. I was just walking out the door when the landline rang. No one except our mothers ever rings that number, so I picked up. Turns out it was a robot. Calling me! How exciting. It wanted to know if I was responsible for the power bill. Then it wanted to know if I spoke english. It’s lucky I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have understood its question. It then proceeded to tell me that I hadn’t paid my bill and that I’d ignored all its letters. Where do they get these letter writing robots? It said that if I didn’t call the power company straight away, my power would be cut off. What the hell? We pay by direct debit! There’s no way we can miss a bill unless there is no money in the account, in which case the mortgage, phone, gas and grocery robots would all have called as well. Turns out that someone else has registered our number against their account. You’d think the robot would check for duplicates before scaring the hell out of people.

The third incident happened this morning when I got my cellphone bill. It would be fair to say that when I opened it I got more than a small fright. Holy mother of god! It would appear that I’m chewing though data faster than Superman flies. So I did some research online into data plans. I figure I can slice $60 a month off my bill easily.

I called the phone company. I was the perfect customer. I knew exactly what I wanted. I asked the guy to stick a data add-on to my plan. I told him which one. Mobilise 15. He said he’d have to put me on hold. I held. He came back and told me that the plan I’d asked for was a business plan so I’d have to go into a store and change from a personal customer to a business customer. What? I asked him to give me the personal data plan options then. He put me on hold. I held. He came back and said there was Talk 20 or Talk 200. I asked him what data plans had to do with talking. He told me that was the number of talking minutes I’d get. I told him I didn’t want talking minutes. I wanted DATA. He asked me what I meant. I suggested that he put me on hold and found out.  So he put me on hold. I held.

He came back after a very long 5 minutes of very bad music and told me that what I needed was Mobilise 15.

No kidding.

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