Today I realised that I’m grieving. I’m mourning something that’s bigger than I realised. It’s not a death, or a relationship breakup, or the loss of a friendship. It’s something that to most people will seem trivial, but I am losing something that I love more than just about anything else.
It hit me when I was walking to my car after showering this morning. I don’t know why I bothered to shower really. I did Step class low impact. I bearly broke a sweat. I just don’t get that endorphin rush when I don’t go hard. So I was walking back to the car wishing I had been to boxing when it occurred to me that if I find out that I am pregnant, I won’t be boxing for 9 months. I’m ok with that. I’ve worked so hard for this that I won’t do anything to jeopardise it. What hadn’t occurred to me though, was the fact that once my baby is born, I’ll have a baby! I won’t be able to spend hours and hours every week in any of my various gyms. I think I’ll be lucky to get out for a walk for the first few months.
I guess I got a bit of a shock. It’s been so much a part of my life and I’m not ready to let it go. I was e-talking about this with a good friend this morning. He pointed out that while I’ll be leaving behind one part of my life, I’ll be walking into a new one. I’ll be a mother. My life will be rich and full and I don’t suppose I’ll miss boxing for a moment.
Well, perhaps for a few moments.