The Constant Gardener

Is there any other kind of gardener? Gardens just don’t stop. Ever. It would seem, just to make things even more ridiculous, that my garden grows faster than any other garden in the world. Not just the actual plants, but the weeds as well. Especially the weeds. But those I can kind of handle. It’s quite satisfying doing weeding. At least, it would be if I only had to do it when I felt like it. But now I’m getting a bit frustrated with my other plants. They grow like triffids. When I first planted them they were all small and cute and well spaced. Now they seem to be 10 times their original size and have splayed themselves out all over the show. On the plus side, everything is in full flower and the colours are glorious.

I spent the whole weekend in the garden. It was stinking hot – 25 degrees by 8:30 yesterday morning – just the way I like it. My wildflower experiment (which consisted of throwing a billion seeds onto the garden that I couldn’t be bothered doing anything with) was a bit of a failure. So many plants grew that they fell over under their own weight and kind of rotted into a pile of stalks. I am attempting the experiment again – this time with short flowers only. It didn’t get off to a brilliant start though. I decided to fertilise the seeds with organic liquid compost. I wasn’t aware that organic liquid compost is actually rotten fish corpses in liquid form (or something that smells equally as bad). After watering the entire garden with it I discovered that it also serves as fly bait. The yard resembled the cricket plague of biblical times, if you pretend it actually was a fly plague. Flies aside, the stink isn’t particularly condusive to sitting out in the garden. The fact that it’s not forecast to rain for quite some time doens’t bode well for the smell going away either. Those plants had better appreciate it.

After declaring myself a bean farmer, it was with great regret that I was forced to rip out my entire bean crop. I didn’t realise that you are supposed to harvest beans young, so my entire crop (the smallest of which was about 30cm long and at least 2 wide) was several weeks past inedible. After half an hour of chewing on one bean I was forced to admit that perhaps I’m better suited to capsicum farming. My capsicum crop currently stands at 1.

Perhaps the biggest disaster in my garden to date is the daisies, however. When we moved to the house, there were 8 cute daisy bushes. Shaun particularly liked them. I fertilised and watered them until they grew into large daisy trees. I then decided to prune them back. I guess you’re not supposed to prune daisies because they all promptly died. Shaun had to take a trailer load of dead daisy bush-trees to the dump yesterday.

So gardening is a bit of a journey for me. I have a new strategy. I bought a gardening book and am going to follow the planting calendar in the back. Surely that’s a fool-proof plan.

I’ll keep you posted.


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