No more looking back.

There are some days when I just can’t really be bothered with anything. Lifting my feet at the gym seems to take more energy than it’s worth. And then I sit down at my desk and wonder how the hell I’m going to last the day. Today is one of those days. It’s not like I went out last night and had a late one. In fact I was in bed by 10pm.

I guess this is how it feels to be old. Everything just seems like hard work. I’m not someone that has ever really given much thought to getting old (aside from wanting family around me when I do, hence the trying to have children thing) although more and more lately I have been mourning my youth.

It’s not the age thing really. It’s the fact that phases of my life have been and gone and they won’t ever be back. It’s not so much a case of not feeling like I made the most of them, but perhaps I didn’t fully appreciate them for what they were at the time. And I guess in the future I’ll be feeling the same way about right now. So maybe I should step back and smell the roses.

I would have said that I was someone that dealt pretty well with change. But I’ve realised lately that I’m not. I resent the idea that other people are doing something different because I’m afraid of how it will affect my world. I make strategic choices for my future but when it comes to putting them into practice it scares the shit out of me.

I know that to resist change is not only futile but foolish. I’ve seen people get left behind. You’re so busy living in the world you know that you don’t notice everyone else moving forward. One day, you’re the only one left in that world. There aren’t many fun games that you can play by yourself.

I’m entering a new phase in my life right now. I guess in a way it’s time to become an adult. I’m completely immersed in change. There is more going on now than ever before. So I’m going to start to focus on embracing the changes.

I’m going to do more of the moving forward and less of the looking back.

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