For the first time in my 10 year career, I have started unravelling at work. Sure, there have been times when I have been frustrated or pissed off with people or situations, but I have never felt that I wasn’t in control. Which is exactly how I have been feeling over the last couple of days. And it’s not good.
I’m collaborating on a project with a person I have never worked with before. He is doing the print side of things and I am looking after the web stuff. The idea is to showcase a product that the company will be onselling. The project has been well planned and generously funded. It is being well managed and communication is good. Sounds perfect, huh? Well it would be. If the software worked.
I have never used something that is so full of bugs before. Or something that has so little documentation, come to think of it. Every day I make some progress, only to come across a knew ‘known bug’ that causes me to effectively have to start again. To make things worse, every time the print guy makes changes to his side of things, mine crashes. It seems to break every morning at 9am and he figures out what he did wrong about 10 minutes before I leave for the day.
Rather than just taking it all in my stride and accepting the fact that it isn’t my fault, I’ve been letting it really get under my skin. My stress has almost been tangible. It came to a head last night when I got a blood nose. Contrary to popular belief, I have a fully intact septum. The blood noses are a warning sign of extreme stress. The last time I had them was during the build up to my wedding. As a controlled epileptic, I have to be careful about stress. I know that. I do.
So last night I was thinking on it and I’ve come to some conclusions. It’s a job. I can’t control what is happening. I am the only person that has the power to control my feelings.
I’m the king of my world. Today I’m taking charge.