It’s ok not to like everyone in the world.
It’s a simple fact. We’re not all the same, we don’t all like the same things or act in the same ways or appreciate the same traits in others. That’s life. What defines people in my opinion, is not how you treat those you like, but how you treat those you don’t.
I’ve been called to task on this a couple of times lately. The first was in a group situation. I have what can only be described as a dominant personality. I am constantly seeking attention and am generally the leader. I am aware of it, it’s just how I am. Sometimes it is a good thing. There are never awkward silences and if someone has to step up and do something, I do it. Other times it is less of a good thing. If someone else in the group challenges me or my concept of right, things can be difficult. There can’t be two alphas.
I am part of a personal development group at the moment. There are two people in there that I just don’t connect with. From the moment they spoke they made me uncomfortable. I have been thinking on why. It’s because they tried to lay down guidelines for the group. They were making rules for me. They were outspoken, which is good, but there was a danger of the group dynamic being set in such a way that everyone else was uncomfortable with, but were too afraid to say. So I said. And it created an unspoken conflict.
Last week we talked about it. They said that I made them uncomfortable. No one likes being challenged. At the end of the discussion we had established that we were probably never going to be friends, but that we had a healthy respect for each person’s way of thinking.
And that’s what life’s about.
The other situation is more personal and I have learned some valuable lessons from it. I accepted a long time ago that it is human nature to talk about people when they are not there. There’s nothing wrong with that. It helps us to gain other perspectives and to vent in safe situations. It can stop feelings being hurt.
A while back I was feeling pissed and intolerant and I moaned about someone to someone else. It was stink, but if they had never had known it would have served to have calmed me down in a way that wasn’t detrimental to them.
If they had never known.
Unfortunately, the person I bitched to decided to pass it on. Publicly. He went on and on and on about it, like it was some sort of crime that I had committed. I apologised to the person in question straight away, but I felt terrible. I’d behaved badly. It was a wake up call. You have to be prepared to be held accountable for your actions. Sure it’s human to bitch, but at what cost? Someone else’s pain?
The irony in this case is that as a result of all of this I have realised that I had misjudged the person I talked about. My opinion has turned around as the result of someone else’s cruelty, and I have gained a friend.