Yesterday was the funeral. The thing that made me feel the saddest was the fact that someone was farewelling their life partner. Their best friend for over 50 years. I cannot fathom the feeling of loneliness that that must cause. No matter how much your friends and family rally around you, you still go to bed alone and wake up alone.
Bad things become better when I share them with Shaun, and good things become wonderful. I can’t imagine spending more than a few days without him there. He is just part of me without me even really noticing. Grief aside, if he was gone I’d just feel lost.
I was at Ange’s house last night and we were talking about partners. We were sitting out on her deck (my two best girlfriends and I – the Tight Three) and we were cold. Ange’s boyfriend went and filled up the gas bottle for the heater. Then we were hungry so he went and bought us dinner. Then we ran out of wine so he went and got us some more. Sarah commented on the fact that he was so well trained and the only person that had trained their man better was me. We had a laugh about it, but it’s not true. It’s not about training, it’s about being half of a team of two.
Shaun does do a lot for me, but I make his lunch every day and cook his dinner every night. I make things I don’t like sometimes because they’re his favourites. I’m no martyr, I just like to make him as happy as he makes me. Yesterday he one-hour-couriered me a chocolate bar with a Post-it note stuck on that said “I love you’. Simple and cheesy, but it made my day.
My Aunty Pat won’t get any more chocolate from Uncle Gil. She won’t be making any more lunches or dinners. She’ll have to fill her own gas bottle and get her own wine. I’m taking a moment to make sure I appreciate what I have. Who fixes heaven when it breaks?