It wasn’t me. Honest.

I got an email yesterday morning from a girl I have never heard of. It said “Sarah, were you in town on Saturday night?” Considering that I was and was more out of control than usual, I thought the best course of action would be to ignore it. So I did.

Then another email came through saying “I guess I should explain myself. You gave your business card to my fiance. We are getting married soon and I noticed on your website that you do wedding invitations. Can you tell me a bit more about that?” Again, I thought it was a bit strange – for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I didn’t take any business cards out with me on Saturday. But then, maybe she meant last weekend or something. Secondly, my website answers just about every question about wedding invitations that there is. I wasn’t sure what else she wanted to know.

I responded to her second email. “Thanks for clarifying that – for a moment I wondered if you were going to berate me for some sort of bad behaviour! Congratulations on your engagement. My website lays out most of the pertinent information – do you have specific questions that I can answer for you? I would be happy to make a time to meet with you and your fiance if you would like to see some examples of my work. Out of interest, who is your fiance?”

Well, BIG mistake. HUGE mistake. Especially that first line. It obviously triggered her turn-into-a-crazy-psycho-bitch reflex. Her response was hilarious.

“It appears that you know who my fiance is because you slipped your business card into his pants without him knowing.” WTF?? How wasted was he??

“We think this is very cheap and we don’t appreciate it.” Well, it certainly is a very cheap form of advertising. I wish I had’ve thought of it.

“You obviously make a habit of it since you wondered if you behaved badly.” See, I said that first line was a mistake.

It is a real shame that you don’t respect other women by shamefully slipping your business card into men’s pants without them knowing.” Um, yeah, right. I would have thought that showed more of a lack of respect for myself.

“If you had the opportunity to speak to the guy and for them to ask for your business card you would find out a bit about them, ie they are married, soon to be married or have partners. Cheap pick up!If I had the opportunity to speak to the guy? If he doesn’t notice someone putting something down his pants I suspect he is a bit past the speaking stage.

I was SO tempted to tell her that he knew bloody well that I’d been down his pants and that she must be crazy if she believes that story. But (a) I’m not in the habit of breaking up relationships and (b) this clearly psycho woman knows both my cellphone number and email address and she sounds like she wouldn’t have a problem stalking me.

So anyway… it would appear that this interesting guy was down at Suite on Saturday night. There is a holder containing my business cards beside the flower arrangements that I do. Someone with a sense of humour that I envy clearly took advantage of a guy that was either very drunk or had very loose pants on.

I explained this to the aggrieved woman who accepted it and apologised along with the disclaimer that she is not pchyco (sic).

I accepted her apology and told her to give me a call when she wants to talk invitations. šŸ˜‰


5 thoughts on “It wasn’t me. Honest.

  1. “Awesome, I love it. I was just thinking, maybe you should write a book about your exploits. Iā€™d buy it.”

    I’d buy it if she could fit it on a business card. šŸ˜‰

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