Paying the piper.

I have a friend who has a similar philosophy to me when it comes to life. That is the “you only have one so make the most of every second” philosophy. It means that life is one big ride, but I’d be lying if I said there isn’t a price.

In order to make the most of every second, you have to be prepared to take risks. If you don’t want to have regrets, you have to try things. It helps to be a show off. I have to do everything bigger and faster and funnier than everyone around me. I have to be the last (wo)man standing at the end of the night. I have to be the person that is being talked about.

Then there’s the price. For me, it’s seizures. I’ll never know exactly what caused them to start, but the fact that I don’t have a brain injury implies that my body is trying to tell me to slow down.

The same thing is happening to my friend, but his price is different. It’s his heart. Or maybe his head. Or a combo. He is having panic attacks that are having physical side effects. Last week he had to call an ambulance and was hospitalised for tests. They were inconclusive. It’s scary and it breaks my heart watching him struggle with it.

For someone that has been given a warning and has chosen to ignore it, I feel like a hypocrite. But it’s always harder to watch something happen to someone you love than to have it happen to yourself.

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