Irrational rationalisation

Although I am far from perfect, one thing that I try to do well is to consider how my actions affect others. The way some people completely disregard the feelings of others just bugs me. How can you treat someone with disrespect and not stop to consider how you might feel if the roles were reversed?

Well… this weekend I didn’t do so well at it. I have come out of the weekend on a bit of a low. I don’t feel like I achieved much other than sitting in my office in front of the screen.

On Saturday I was irritable all day. I knew that I was but I couldn’t seem to snap out of it. I kept making annoying little comments and I dont think I was much fun to be around.

We went to watch the rugby with some friends and Shaun was getting excited because we were wasting the Aussies. (You’ll only really understand the value of that if you’re a kiwi.) He kept jumping up and screaming and I was getting more and more irritated. He was just having fun and I was being stink. We were in a taxi on the way home and I was going on and on about it, and I remember thinking that the driver must think I’m a nagging bitch. He’d have been right.

I have this rule for myself. When I’m irritable or grumpy (or anything else negative, for that matter), I try to stop and think about what it is that is the underlying issue. That way I can deal with it. I tried that yesterday, but I just couldn’t figure it out.

Today I wonder if it is because I have had to work all weekend while Shaun has been doing whatever he wants. I’ve been struggling with the project I’m working on, so that hasn’t helped. I love my work though, so I’m not 100% convinced that there isn’t another reason. Something is niggling at me, but I’m not sure I’m ready to admit it to myself yet.

The rational part of me knows that it’s not anyone else’s fault. The irrational part of me seems to feel better when I’m taking it out on others. It’s not the me that I like, so I guess I should take responsibility for my own emotions before my incredibly tolerant husband bites back.

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