Yesterday was Mother’s Day. We spent it down in Masterton with Shaun’s family. It was beautiful down there, but it was only 2 degrees, which is pretty damn cold for an Aucklander. It was nice to spend some time with his parents – we don’t get down there very much.
I would like to have seen my own mother. People have been telling me lately that you don’t appreciate your mum enough until you have a child of your own. I’m not sure this is true in my case – I couldn’t appreciate mine more. I have said it a million times, but she really is one of the most phenomenal people I know.
I have decided that I want a child. I have talked before about being torn between wanting one and being afraid of what I will have to give up. I’m over that now. I’m ready. In fact, I’m desperate. I watch my friends that have babies and I get jealous. I never thought it would happen… I think the thing I am most afraid of now is the pain that inevitably comes with the unconditional love you have for a child. Sometimes I feel something that I suspect is close to that feeling for my brother. When things aren’t going well for Dave I feel sick for him. I want the bad thing to be happening to me. It scares me to think that I could feel something more powerful than that for someone else!
I am fortunate to have my mother nearby. There are days when I think that she is more desperate for me to have a child than I am. It’s going to be a pretty amazing experience for us both, no doubt. I can’t wait.