It’s not always fair.

Last night I had a particularly gruelling shift at Youthline. Listening to people in pain is never pleasant, but some nights I feel more personally affected than others. Last night I only took two calls, but they were long and intense. Some people have to put up with more in their lives than many of us ever imagine. Sometimes it seems that individual people really do get more than their fair share of grief.

I don't really have much more to say in this post. I guess I just hope that it makes a few of you stop and take stock of the good things that you have going for you. I am not for a moment discounting the fact that some of you may have terrible things that you have to deal with – for you I am terribly sorry, but for those of you who don't – never take your happiness for granted.

Happiness is a gift.


I love everything.

Yup. Everything.

Ever have one of those days when you are in a great mood for no reason? For me they are usually the last day of work before a holiday, or something along those lines. Today I am having one for absolutely no reason. I'm just in a great mood. It's fantastic.

It started yesterday evening. We were on our way to some friends' house for a bbq when I announced that I was feeling happy. It just came out. And it was true. I stayed happy all night and I was pretty stoked when I woke up with it this morning. It's not that I'm not generally happy – I definitely am, but this happiness is greater than the average happiness.

I guess if I really think about it, I'm pretty happy with my life in general at the moment. I have things under control. I'm not wanting for anything. It's a nice way to feel. I'm standing in perpetual sunshine.

If I could share it around I could. I guess that's what smiles are for.

Wake up and smell the coffee

I'm being really naughty lately.

It's not actually as exciting as it sounds. I have been breaking all these rules that I've lived by for a long time. One of them is eating breakfast. I am definitely a subscriber to the you-have-to-eat-breakfast rule. It kick-starts your metabolism and sets you up for the day.

Lately (since my wedding I guess) I haven't been eating breakfast at all. Aside from a team breakfast meeting last Friday, I can't remember the last time I had it. I don't even have a reason. It's weird. Even weirder is that I have started drinking coffee instead. I was never really a big coffee drinker. Maybe once a week. If I needed caffeine I had Red Bull.

I have porcelain caps on my teeth (the result of a drunken university accident) which get easily stained. Hence the no coffee. Now I have two cups a morning followed by lots of water swilling. I'm turning into a weirdo.

I guess the fact that I get up before 6am and do an hours workout probably makes up for the metabolism thing, but deep down I know that coffee really doesn't count for breakfast.

Although I do add milk for protein.

It’s just not natural.

I was having a debate (admittedly, a drunken one) with a friend in the weekend about single-sex vs co-ed schools. She went to the former, and I, the latter.

We both only really had one point each to argue. Hers was that single-sex schools generally get better academic results. That is a fact that can't be refuted. Mine was that it just isn't natural. It is a false environment. I believe that school is about a whole lot more than academics.

I finished school at 17 and left home to go to university in another city. I stayed in a hostel for my first year. You could go out for an evening with a group of people and pretty accurately stand there and pick which of them went to single sex schools. They went absolutely crazy. They didn't know how to behave. They hadn't been integrated into a social environment like those of us from co-ed schools.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is really. I guess it's been on my mind. Maybe I felt as if she was implying my inferiority in some way (which I know she wasn't doing deliberately as we both know that I blitzed her in bursary). There it is I guess. The fact that I made that last comment implies that I feel I have something to be defensive about!

The debate didn't really go anywhere. I think it ended when I told her that maybe we could bring in single-sex workplaces too, if it's such a good idea.

Or is it something people would prefer to inflict only on their children?

The end of the golden weather.

Today was one of those Monday mornings that really lived up to it's reputation. I think I read somewhere once that there is actually a scientific reason for Monday mornings to feel worse than others. Daylight savings finished last weekend and that is always a sign of the impending winter. I don't really get winter depression like some people do, but I do feel a bit of sadness when I realise that the long evenings on the deck are over. They'll be replaced by evenings in front of the fireplace though, so that's gotta be good.

Anyway, this morning was raining. There has been a hurricane in Australia over the last few days and we are getting some mild side effects from it. Nothing that serious – just some high (for Auckland) winds and the rain. It made it hard to get out of bed though. What is strange is that it is still really hot. I was lying in bed, listening to the storm, sweating like a b*stard.

So autumn is here. It gets dark about 7pm now. That's ok though. Every day I'm getting closer to next summer.

The sun’s back out.

I guess yesterday’s post has helped me get things into perspective. I often go on about not moaning, and of stopping to think how much worse things could be – but sometimes there really is nothing like a good blowout.

And now I’m good.

I had a work binge and got everything finished. I churned out pages and pages of stuff for my biggest new client and they loved it, so now I feel like skiting. I guess I also feel pretty relieved.

It will go off to the printers this afternoon and I’ll see it posted all around the city next week. That is going to feel GREAT. And I feel about 20 kgs lighter now I’ve thrown that monkey off my back.

Now I have to tackle Visual Studio 2005 and Master Pages. Why is it that something that has been created to make life easier can be so damn difficult at times?

Still – that’s life. And I love it.

The sound of a Hawk crying.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Lao Tzu

I am feeling stressed. I am trying to do too much. It is completely my own fault but I am having trouble keeping it in check.

As a general rule, I am a laid back person. I don’t sweat the small stuff, and I lecture others on the same. But occasionally I forget my own mantra, and now is one of those times.

I decided a while back that I don’t want to do this job for the rest of my life. I love the learning, but I’ve been here for almost 10 years and it’s time for something new. I need work that I can do from home when I have children. I decided to design wedding stationery. After our wedding last month, when people realised that the invitations were my own, I started getting a bit of interest. I decided I had better create a brand and start to get my head around things a bit more formally.

So I started talking to people about it. My mother suggested that at the moment big weddings are fashionable, but that is not always the case, so I need to have a sideline for when times are slow. I decided to do some graphic design. Corporate branding and that sort of thing. I told a couple of people.

That was a week ago.

Now I have so much work I can’t do it all. It is ridiculous. Hence the stress. I have made it worse by filling up absolutely every evening with committments. Someone will suggest catching up for dinner. I’ll check my diary and see that Wednesday is free next week. Rather than thinking “Wednesday is my only free night next week, I’ll probably need it to relax”, I open my mouth and say “Next Wednesday is free, does that suit you?”. The next person that rings is going to have to wait three weeks for a free night. Seriously. (Admittedly I have a Youthline shift once a week). I am playing in a touch rugby team at lunchtime because I can’t afford to lose an evening.

In fact, things are so out of control that I didn’t blog yesterday!

Like I said – completely my own fault, but I needed the whinge. Now I’m good.