I like my men hard…

…to a certain extent, but I find it interesting that in the last 50 years the way men behave (and the way women expect them to behave) has changed so markedly.

I find myself growing up as part of a generation of women who want to be treated as equals by their male peers, and with “the respect we deserve”, yet as much as we moan about the idiots on the construction sites that wolf whistle, every one of those whistles gives us a secret feeling of pleasure.

I suppose my point here is that we women are full of double standards. We like to be seen as strong, but also vulnerable. We like to be powerful, but looked after. We like to be respected, but coveted. We like to be attractive, but we want it on our own terms.

I was prompted to write this entry by a thread in SitePoint yesterday. I have been taking advice on relationships from two very wise men. They were speaking candidly about how much they love and respect their wives. It was refreshing to listen to men who feel that talking openly about their feelings isn’t going to compromise their masculinity.

As a general rule, I don’t like men who behave “like girls” (that’s not to say that they shouldn’t cry – it should just be in the right circumstances), but I am irritated by men that feel that talking about feelings is effeminate. Men have feelings too.

I like my men hard, but I like them honest.

 **Note: I apologise to any woman who takes offence at my speaking like this on their behalf.

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9 thoughts on “I like my men hard…

  1. Man that title could be taken more than one way! Yeah I’m one of those “guys” she was talking about at sitepoint.. why not talk about how much you care about your wife? Should we just play the “bring me a beer while I watch TV and burp type”? Nope, that’s why there are so many freaking divorces..

    It takes two to tango, two to make a baby (usually) and two to make a good marraige …. if you dont talk about it and know what the other wants and thinks, why bother!

  2. Hawk,

    You are so right on about the double standard.

    I’ve never really bought into the whole “I am Woman, hear me Roar” thing (LOL)

    I like my man to think I’m a delicate creation who needs to be taken of…yet, in the back of his mind he knows I’m his intellectual equal.

    Real men love their mates – and aren’t afraid to say it!

  3. [quote]It takes two to tango, two to make a baby (usually) and two to make a good marraige …. if you dont talk about it and know what the other wants and thinks, why bother![/quote]

    That is very true…

    My parents raised me as a gentleman, and I stuff like open doors for ladies…However, some (not all, most appreciate it) seem to get offended by it, like “I can open the door myself thankyou”. Sometimes I just don’t get women 😉

    Haha, anyways…live and learn.

  4. Very interesting (and candid) point. Especially the way that at the bottom you apologise to women in advance of offending them.

    Do you think that people are more easily offended now than they used to be, or than they should, and what do you think that can be attributed to? Are people brainwashed into feeling offended when in reality they are just shocked at hearing an idea that differs to the ideas they usually hear?

    And, do you think fear of offending people prevents a lot of people from truly expressing their feelings?

  5. Wow! That’s quite a few questions!!!

    Firstly, thanks for your interest…

    I apologise to others in the footnote because I am a strong believer in speaking for yourself, rather than others. Our generation are really bad at using “I” statements. I think it stems more from a fear of what other people will think of us if we are honest, than a fear of offending others. I break my rule in this post because I think that in order for other people to respond to us in a way that is true, they need to know the truth… having said that, my truth is not necessarily every womans.

    I think people are probably less offended now than they used to be, but they are more vocal when it comes to expressing what they think is OK. I really do think that political correctness has gone over the top. My belief is that if everyone adhered to the simple rules of respecting others, and not putting up with anything that makes them uncomfortable, then a lot of today’s ‘issues’ could be avoided.

    So, in summary… I don’t think that it is a fear of offending others that stops people from speaking the truth. People that feel strongly enough about their own truth will say it regardless. I think that it is unusual to find someone that is comfortable enough with themselves to be frank and honest. If you find one, my advice is to hang onto them.

    Man, I’m starting to sound like an agony aunt!!
    I hope that answers your questions…

  6. Do you think that political correctness has really gone over the top, or is that our perception? I think political correctness is some form of sociological guilt that we have for all of the conflicting feelings we have about some issues, both collectively and individually. One might say that the desire to be seen as politically correct is driven by the ego. That little fella on our left shoulder, who makes us worry about what we do, and the way we are seen. Being concerned about the way we appear to others is a positive thing, in that it keeps society functioning pretty well. But in ways it can lead to a lot of unnecessary worry.

    Truly interesting conversations I have with people are those in which the politeness that is political correctness is set aside, and both sides of conflicting ideas and feelings are expressed.

    Hmmm, perhaps being ‘political correct’ is an attempt to address the symptom of problems, rather than the cause – the cause being that there are two conflicting sides to a lot of stories and we often have feelings on both sides. Do you think? I’m not even sure how much sense I am making.

  7. I struggle a bit with the concept of political correctness all round. As mentioned above, I think that if everyone just treated others with respect, then it would be a redundant concept. I don’t care if someone makes a comment to/about me (as a woman or whatever else is ir/relevant) that may be deemed ‘un-pc’ provided it is said with good intentions and not meant to be offensive. We also need to be prepared to take constructive feedback from people if we say something that makes others uncomfortable.

    I agree 100% with your comment about addressing the symptoms rather than curing the disease. It is a disease that we have created… I think that if every person were to develop one new skill, it should be the ability to stop and think a subject through carefully before giving a response. I can’t think of many issues that wouldn’t be assisted by that…

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