I am who I am. Take it or leave it.
March 6, 2007
While I was away I got a comment on my blog (referring to the decision about fighting in Fight Night) that upset me in a strange kind of way. It has made me feel the urge to justify myself. Sometimes I get this urge because I am feeling guilty about something, and other times I get it because I don’t want people to misunderstand me. In this case it’s the latter.
You can read the comment here. It’s important that you know that the purpose of this post is not to slate the comment maker. I respect his opinion and appreciate the fact that it has raised an issue.
Sarah, it seems to me you are running a big risk here for the sake of enjoying yourself. Have you considered how much worry / strain you are putting on Sean and your family and friends by ignoring their feelings?From what you have said you are putting yourself into serious risk just because you are having fun doing it. Is that a good reason to jeopardize your relationship with your husband?
Honestly love have you ever considered that Sean may wake up one morning alone while his wife is out boozing yet again and decide that this isn’t what he wants for his life ? It must be very lonely for him doing that.
Just an aside but last night I was at a dinner party and the conversation came around to blogs and I brought up that I had been reading yours for a couple of months and I described your lifestyle. Without exception every man there said they would have left you long ago being treated like that by a wife.
They dont really know you of course but I have to admit I don’t think I would either … sorry
I guess I can appreciate that I am often quite glib about the differences between Shaun and I. I make light of it for the sake of humour. Perhaps from the perspective of someone that doesn’t know us it may appear that I mistreat him or take him for granted.
I can assure you that it is not the case.
Shaun and I were good friends for many years before our relationship changed. He fell in love with the person that he knew – and it was he who pursued me on that basis. There were many occasions over the period of our relationship before we married that we discussed our personality differences and he assured me that the social aspect of my personality is one that he loves. It is what makes me me. He is the stable person. I am the crazy one.
I am often conflicted between wanting to grab every opportunity and to make the most out of the life that I have, and making sure that my lifestyle is not a burden on others. I am full on. I am tiring. But I also like to think that along with those things come laughter and an absolute love of life. You gotta take the good with the bad…
One thing that may interest you is that before we got married, Shaun and I went to couples counselling in order to make sure we had what it takes to make a marriage work. We discussed exactly what I am discussing now – the fact that I had concerns that we have different approaches to life and that while I know that marriage is about compromise, there are some things about me that I’m just not prepared to change.
You know what Shaun said? That if I wasn’t who I am he wouldn’t love me.
I had to think long and hard about whether I should respond to this. I do not want to seem like I’m just out to stick the knife in however nor do I want to just make the one post and run. That would just be like acting like a troll and there’s enough of that type on the web as it is.
My one comment to you on what you said is that I have never doubted that Shaun loves you. Nor do I doubt that Shaun moved into this relationship knowing full well what you are like. However you are far from a fool and you know that when people first fall in love they will accept most problems because to not do so would mean giving up that person. And at that point, in that state it is very easy to say “yes, I can live with that”. The reality is though that over time resentment builds. Thats human nature.
Whats also reality of course is that I don’t know either you or Shaun personally. All I can go by is what you write here. What I see here is the female equivalent of the husband that goes out boozing with his mates every weekend and that type of guy is universally criticized as neglecting his wife. Why is it now about “compromising your approach to life” now the shoes on the other foot?
This is actually sounding more critical than I intend it to be. Shaun sounds like a bright guy and I’m sure he will talk to you about it if indeed it ever does become too much for him to take.
One last thing. Remember that dinner party discussion I mentioned? One thing the women there wanted to know is if you planned on changing your lifestyle once you started to have kids?
I’m glad you did.
I know you have no malicious intent. If I was that easily offended I shouldn’t be blogging.
Sure. That’s why I made the point about the fact that we were friends for many years first. Shaun watched me in several other relationships (one relatively long term) before we got together. It is also why we did the counselling – to ensure that we were able to effectively communicate any unease as things progressed.
Yup. You have to consider that while I always tell the absolute truth, I only bother writing about the funny weekends. You don’t get to hear about the evenings that we stay in and watch a movie, because that just doesn’t make for good entertainment!
I consider there to be a difference if one person goes into the relationship expecting something that they don’t receive. That is not the case for us.
Absolutely. Already am. You should have met me a few years back.
Thats a fair point. As is the one about the unbalanced nature of what you choose to mention. I suppose that is something we all have to take into consideration that you’re only mentioning one side of your life here which can leave people with a biased impression of you.
You might want to convince Shaun to start his own blog so that we can see the less “adventurous” side of you
Thanks Mike.
Ah – if Shaun was to start blogging you might worry about me even more!!
Anyway, you raised an interesting perspective and I appreciate the opportunity to justify myself.
I hope you continue to read…